Why Is a Wedding Any Different?
Kevin DeYoung
Just to keep the question on track, let’s set aside two related issues. First, we are not talking about whether Christians should have the right to refuse to participate in a gay wedding without facing government fines and coercion. If the CEO of Apple can keep conservative faith-based apps out of the App Store, then conservative Christians should not be forced into gay weddings with cakes and flowers. But that’s not the issue at hand. Second, for simplicity sake let’s assume this is a discussion among traditional Christians who believe–as the church has always believed and as most of the global church still believes–that same-sex sexual behavior is sinful and that marriage is a covenantal and conjugal union between a man and a woman.
With those two clarifying comments we can address our question head-on: Why would a Christian feel conscience bound to not be a part of a gay wedding?
It’s a reasonable question, and I hope those asking it are willing to be reasonable in thoughtfully considering a conservative response. It’s not because of bigotry or fear or because we are unaware that Jesus spent time with sinners that leads us to our conclusion. It’s because of our desire to be obedient to Christ and because of the nature of the wedding event itself.
A wedding ceremony, in the Christian tradition, is first of all a worship service. So if the union being celebrated in the service cannot be biblically sanctioned as a an act of worship, we believe the service lends credence to a lie. We cannot come in good conscience and participate in a service of false worship. I understand that sounds not very nice, but the conclusion follows from the premise; namely, that the “marriage” being celebrated is not in fact a marriage and should not be celebrated.
Moreover, there has long been an understanding that those present at a marriage ceremony are not just casual observers, but are witnesses granting their approval and support for the vows that are to be made. That’s why the traditional language speaks of gathering “here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation.” That’s why one of the sample marriage services in the PCA still has the minister say, “If any man can show just cause why they may not lawfully be wedded, let him now declare it, or else hereafter forever hold his peace.” Quite explicitly, the wedding is not a party for friends and family. It’s not a mere ceremonial formality. It is a divine event in which those gathered celebrate and honor the “solemnization of matrimony.” Which is why–as much as I might want to build bridges with a lesbian friend or reassure a gay family member that I care for him and want to have a relationship with him–I would not attend a same-sex wedding ceremony. I cannot help with my cake, with my flowers, or with my presence to solemnize what is not holy.